When I was little my Nana had a name for me. She called me the “Ring-Tailed Snorter”. Just let your imagination ruminate on that for a bit and you’ll get the idea…I was a bit of a handful. 43 years ago they didn’t diagnose ADHD in girls. They should have. As I grew up I gradually shifted from the hyperactive type to the “primarily inattentive” type. Which is another way of saying that while I am less physically restless, my brain makes up for it by being quite unable to sit still for any length of time. Still, I managed university and graduate school, and I have found jobs where I can show my strengths and get around my weaknesses, at least most of the time.
As I hit my forties, however, the strategies that had worked for me to that point became less and less effective. I was frustrated, tired and unhappy. My doctor suggested anti-depressants, but I didn’t think I was actually depressed, I felt that what looked liked depression was the result of not being able to accomplish what I thought I should be able to. My sister was diagnosed with ADHD, and I started to wonder… I work with a lot of psychologists, so I asked one if I should be tested too. She rather blurted out “of course you’re ADD, but you can get a formal diagnosis if you want”. Another one’s reaction to the diagnosis was “no kidding!” Apparently they had all caught on long ago and assumed I already knew… I decided to try meds and they have helped a lot, but they can only do so much. They can’t change behaviour, you have to do that yourself.
Which brings me to the last few weeks. I have struggled with keeping up with housework ever since I left home at 23. I also struggle with staying in a routine both at work and at home. The last few weeks the house has gone to H in a handbasket. Thing Small also has ADD and you can’t move in her room despite repeated attempts to help her. The kitchen counters were only visible with mammoth effort. I haven’t seen the top of my desk for weeks and I can barely crawl into it over the stuff piled in front of it anyway. We have a beautiful pool table we aren’t playing on because the room is piled with stuff that I don’t know what to do with. Thing Tall cleared out his room in August by putting everything he didn’t know what to do with under the pool table. He was supposed to deal with it quickly but he hasn’t. The Master bedroom is a mess, my FibreSpace is a wreck etc etc. Himself is frustrated, I’m frustrated and embarrassed and all four of us are stressed and grouchy. Work hasn’t been much better, as I can’t seem to concentrate and get things done there either, last week I spent a good part of one day in tears I was so angry with myself for not being able to accomplish anything. With Himself’s final day as an employee looming, with all the stress that that is bringing, something other than my sanity had to give.
I tried to work on the worst spots this weekend, but I also had to finish my InDepth Study. The round robin approach (20min intervals cycling through several tasks) helped a bit, but the Things did not. Instead, they squabbled all day Sunday and Monday. I got the study revisions done, but didn’t get them into the mail until this morning. I got the living room floor and tables tidied up, but the kitchen, dining room and pool room were still awful. Last night I realized that the only way I was going to start feeling better was to do a really big declutter and reorganize. My dear boss reads e-mail at night on holidays, bless her, and gave me permission to take a few days off to get myself back in control.
Today I started on the kitchen. I did “equipment” first. I pulled everything out of the cupboards and drawers and forced myself to rethink where everything should go and what we really need. I put out the recycling bin and a garage sale/give away box and emptied the garbage. 4 hours later I sent several photo texts to Himself, I think he was a bit surprised that it looked pretty good. I still need to sort through the container drawer, and force myself to recycle some more empty jars, and deal with the pile of things that should probably never have been in the kitchen in the first place but it’s a really good start. I’ll finish what I can tonight and do the rest tomorrow before tackling the pantry cupboards. Then the dining room, the pool room and the kids computer room… I’m hoping I’ll get the whole common space looking reasonable before “Jam Night” on Saturday – it’ll be easier to play and enjoy the music if the space is tidy.
Wish me luck.
